I watched my two-year-old’s long blonde hair bounce around as she and her little sister enjoyed Surprise Egg Learning Videos on my best friend’s TV.
A week prior, we were living in our own home, doing our version of normal and now we had a new normal where the girls were happy and surrounded by love. What more could I ask for?
All I was hoping for was to keep them that way. I had started 2022 off by making complete changes to the girls’ lives and mine. I went from being a stay-athome mom to living with my best friend, her boyfriend, their two dogs, and my two kids really quickly.
The bedrooms in their house were already occupied by their lives so we put our bed in the living room.
Taking the step to change our lives was huge, very scary, and overwhelming.
I’ve always been one to steer clear of change, so taking this huge step had me very uncomfortable.
The first few days we were living there we got snowed in. I remember spending those cold days cooped up in the house listening to the same songs from the girls’ TV show play in the background all while wondering if I was doing the right thing for them.
Was moving out of our house, where they had a bedroom with pink flooring specifically for them, and into Kelsey and Thomas’ house the best thing for them?
Would they miss their pink floor and full run of the house?
Would they grow to resent me for this?
I probably seemed a little lost in space to everyone looking in. I felt it, too. As a mom, you will always wonder if you’re doing what’s best for your children.
I quickly got a job working front desk at a hotel from 3 p.m. to 11 p.m. three days a week.
Daycares aren’t open those hours, so there was my next struggle. Between my parents and Kelsey, we managed. My girls were safe and taken care of while I worked.
This was a huge accomplishment for me, as I mentioned, I had been a stay-at-home mom. Missing time from their lives was hard.
I was met with a bunch of sadness knowing I was missing dinner and bath time with them on those three days. But I kept on pushing.
The next struggle I came to was finding us our own home that I could afford on my own. I love Kelsey dearly, and so do my daughters, but it was past time for us to move out.
I finally got keys to an apartment and I’ve never felt a bigger sense of accomplishment.
That day Kelsey and I moved all of our belongings into the apartment - finally, our own home! The feeling I had that night as I put the only movie we had into our new DVD player was one I’ll never forget.
I’m a person truly terrified of failure. I remember while being lost in space I kept telling myself I would not and could not fail.
As of the end of September, I have stumbled a few times but have yet to fail.
So here’s to stumbling, but still moving forward.