To The Editor,
Well, I’ve spent most of the past two years just sitting around watching the news and thinking. Yeah, I know, but I’ve come up with some pretty good ideas. All this talk about proof of vaccinations is very important. The vaccine cards don’t work because they are too easy to counterfeit so why not develop a special bar code that can’t be faked. There are already scanners most everywhere, even our phones so it should be easy.
This bar code could not only have your vaccine status but all your medical information. But don’t stop there. We could have all our financial information, voter ID, credit cards, debit cards, credit score - social and financial - and anything else one might need.
So that you won’t need to carry anything around with you this bar code will be tattooed on your forehead or if you don’t want to mar your face, you can have it on the back of your hand. Many problems solved there. Without this bar code you won’t be able to buy or sell anything or eat or travel. All transactions will be done with scanners. This will show all those selfish, horrible unvaxxed people. What a great idea! Goodbye COVID.
Okay, while I’m sitting here and waiting for my Nobel Peace Prize for all the lives I’ve saved, I’m going to work on my campaign for Supreme World Leader so that I can solve all the other problems facing the world today. You can send donations to my “Go Fund Me” page I’ll soon be setting up.
So, since COVID is now gone the next big problem facing the world is “racism.” I’ll eliminate racism, since (according to media) everything in our past, our history, is rooted in racism, I will eliminate and ban all history!
I’m Supreme Leader remember so I can do this with just the spoken word. I will eliminate all wars by eliminating all borders, since everyone knows borders are racist and I’ve already eliminated that. Since all wars are started over either borders or religion, I’ll ban all religion or maybe set up a new one for everyone to adhere to.
Next I will eliminate crime. It’s easy if you’re the Supreme Leader. Just make everything legal and just that simple, no more crime problem. The only thing that will be illegal is disagreeing with me and for that there will be no repeat offenders!
Unemployment won’t be allowed. I will provide everyone a job. There will be no poor. I’ll take care of everyone!
Our education system is (again, according to the media) racist. I’ve already eliminated racism so we don’t need schools or teachers. There won’t be any history to study. Remember I’ve already eliminated history along with the Internet ‘cause it’s just full of discrimination. I’ll just need a giant server to store all your bar code information and besides I’ll tell you anything you need to know.
And finally, you won’t need to learn science because “I Am Science.” It will be great! It will be “Utopia!” I will be like the Most…okay, maybe that’s a little too much.
I guess I should add a disclaimer here since I’m sure the FBI is lurking out there somewhere. Probably reading this as I write it through the chip they implanted in my brain at the VA Hospital and we all know they have no sense of humor. So I declare that this is not real, it is satire. I am not an old, white, unvaxxed bigoted, racist, sexist, homophobic, insurrectionist, white supremacist, domestic terrorist. Okay, so I am an old, white male but I have no idea what QANON is!
While I know that God does not give us the spirit of fear there will be some who read this that will have no idea what I’m talking about. You people scare me. I may have seen some of you on Watters World. What’s Watters World, you ask? Case closed.
Thank you,
Ray Thronesbery, Chandler