A couple of Saturdays ago, I woke up ready to get cracking on a long to-do list.
Cleaning out the garage, going to the dump, fixing the mower, mowing, digging a spot for some flowers.
So I swung my legs over the side of the bed and - woah!
It felt like someone had shoved 2-by-4s into my lower back and zip-tied them to either side of my spine.
That probably would have been a good time to tell myself: “Hey, I think I’ll just spend a few hours on the heating pad and let the ol’ lower back decide exactly when I am ready for the to-do list.”
“You slug,” I probably would have replied. “You need to get that stuff hauled off so you have room in the garage to work on the lawn mower. Just look at how tall that grass is getting.”
And I probably would have done exactly what I did. Go ahead and load the pickup with detritus from the garage and haul it to yonder dump.
By the time we got back from the dump, my back was stiffer than a Bill Clinton speech and beginning to hurt. A lot.
The week went downhill from there. Sunday I could barely walk and Monday I couldn’t. Tuesday I could walk but not drive.
It was then that Kindra’s mother brought over some warming rub that was 87 percent organic material, with the main ingredient being cannabis sativa hemp oil.
Dude! That was some righteous stuff, man. A good rub with that and my back would start feeling all better and everything, and then I’d put on some tie-dyes and eat a big bag of potato chips and maybe some cheese crackers. Nice vibes, man. Dig the groove.
Gradually, the back got better and I am slowly returning to what passes for normal.
The backache, which visits me every couple of years, has its origin in an unfortunate afternoon in Southeastern Oklahoma when I was 18 and was thrown from a bucking bull.
I went straight up and landed on the base of the bull’s tail just as he was kicking up again. I trampolined way high, flipped and landed on the base of my tail.
The next morning, I couldn’t bend over enough to put on my boots.
Nowadays, I have to move enough to keep my lower back warmed up, loose and lubricated.
Since I have reached the advice-giving age, my recommendation to you is this: If you are thinking of becoming a bull rider, don’t.
But if you do, get yourself a big jar of cannabis sativa hemp oil. And a big bag of chips.