Something that my friends have known about me for a very long time is that I can be a bit… clueless. Sometimes. Namely, when it comes to dating.
I think a story that best exemplifies this is my first dating experience in South Korea. Full disclosure this was not the first time I went on a date without realizing it. Sadly, it was not the last either.
I was 23 and had been in Seoul for a few months. While I felt more comfortable as an English teacher, I was still learning about South Korea in general. I had just finished a six-week intensive course with a student named Se-won (no,not his real name) who was a year or so older than me. He had me and another teacher, Colin, during this time. When our last class ended, he asked if he could take me out to dinner to thank me for being his teacher. Now, this was common practice, so I didn’t think anything of it and accepted. I also assumed that Colin would be there.
The night in question comes around, and I meet Se-won at the restaurant. Colin is nowhere to be found. Se-won makes an excuse about how hewasn’t available. I didn’t really think much about it. The conversation was general, but oh, did I not realize the blows I was about to unintentionally deal.
We started with a topic I thought safe enough university. Se-won told me he had just graduated from Seoul National University. Of course, my response is, “Oh, is that a good school?”
The way this young man’s face crumpled. You see, SNU is essentially Ivy League-level in South Korea. He told me this, and I, though a bit embarrassed, shrugged it off. I started asking him about the new job he got that he took the intensive English classes for. Se-won said he was going to work with McKinsey and Associates.
You can probably guess what my next question was. And how well that went over.
The rest of dinner was a bit awkward, but not completely bad. The next day at work, I ran into Colin and asked why he wasn’t there while telling him about the whole ordeal. He was confused for about half a second before bursting out into laughter.
“Em… that was a date. You were on a date.”
Well. I was properly embarrassed, but figured that it was okay. Because I’d probably never see Sewon ever again.
Yea, I was wrong about that.
About a year later, I was out at an event with friends -- no longer an English teacher -- and ran into Sewon. A year had changed both of us, and I agreed to get drinks. We dated for a few months before he went on a business trip to Hong Kong and disappeared.
I found out this was a common tactic in Seoul for ghosting. And I’m completely embarrassed to admit that it took me a VERY long time to realize that he didn’t actually go to Hong Kong.
Once again, I brushed it off, thinking I’d never have anything to do with Se-won again.
Once again. Wrong. Years later, when I was working as a reporter and copyeditor at a national newspaper, I came across a business profile on the man who founded my favorite food delivery app. It was well written and an interesting story.
He also had the same name as Se-won.
I thought there was no way it was the same person. (He had a common Korean name.) But when the print edition came out, and I saw the photo, lo and behold, it was him. I mentioned this to the reporter, and we both had a good laugh over it. I then wondered if he had the same number.
I sent a text, figuring he wouldn’t respond.
He did. No, we didn’t start dating again. But we did become kind-of friends, both of us laughing over the stupidity of our youth. He helped me out with a charity concert series I was organizing at the time. And then slowly, we lost touch. But still, I learned a lot from that experience.
Unfortunately, I still haven’t learned how to always tell if I’m on a date.