I remember the smell of the coffee bean farms during my missions trip to Costa Rica in 2009.
The smell was earthy and energizing.
I remember the feeling of the sand between my toes at the Dead Sea in Israel in 2018.
It felt gritty and exfoliating.
I remember the taste of the traditional dish Paella that I had in Valencia, Spain in 2019.
It tasted salty and smokey.
These trips left me with new experiences, new interests and new knowledge.
However last weekend I took a trip like none other.
A trip down someone else’s memory lane.
That someone was my mother, who passed away when I was two.
Growing up, I just got used to the feeling of wonder. Although my family would answer any questions I had about her, I still always felt like I would never truly know who she was as a person, friend and mother.
When she died, my grandfather saved a hope chest full of items throughout her life and gave it to me when the time was right.
Although I received the hope chest a few years ago, I never had the courage to go through it.
Opening that hope chest made me nervous. I was scared of what I might learn or how I would feel after.
I had gotten so used to the feeling of wonder and unanswered questions.
Maybe knowing nothing is better than knowing I missed out on a great person.
Last weekend, with the support of my aunt, we opened it up and went through it.
As we went through the junk that was all that was left of her life I learned more about her than any story I was ever told.
There were clothes and jewelry that showed her exuberant style, yearbooks that displayed her character growth and photos that offered insight to her personality.
She was a cheerleader in seventh grade, enjoyed planning events throughout high school and was the FFA Sweetheart her senior year.
I also learned things about myself.
I found her pregnancy planner and was able to walk through her pregnancy with her.
As it turns out I was stubborn and loud. Even way back then.
With calloused hands and french tipped nails, she took life head on.
She worked at a cement plant to get herself through college. After receiving her degree in chemistry and biology she worked as a florist, then a saleswoman for Kraft.
I have no memory of her.
Just a few of her knickknacks.
It’s crazy to me how you can no memories of someone and yet miss them incredibly.